A boundary is where one person ends and another begins, it defines the limits or space between yourself and another. This can range from our personal space (physical and energetic), thoughts and emotions, time and energy, sexuality, financial or material and spiritual or religious. The purpose of setting boundaries is to establish and communicate your wants, needs, guidelines, limits and rules with others so you feel safe, protected, comfortable and respected. It’s an important part of self-care.
Without good personal boundaries, you can have an unhealthy desire to be everything to everyone, no matter the cost to your health and emotional wellness.
It’s important to be in touch with what is comfortable and uncomfortable to you—it varies from person to person—then assertively express your needs to others. You might have a difficult time saying No and be easily influenced by what other people dictate. This is known as people pleasing. When you accommodate other people’s needs more than your own, it can cause overwhelm, stress, burnout and resentment. It can really drain your energy. Communicating boundaries can be difficult, but the more you practice the easier it will become.
5 Signs of Healthy Boundaries
- Maintaining personal values despite what others want
- Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
- Noticing when someone invades your boundaries
- Self Respect- not giving too much in hopes that someone will like you
- Trusting your own decisions
5 Signs of Unhealthy Boundaries
- Trusting no one, or Trusting anyone
- Going against personal values in order to please others
- Not asking for your needs to be met and/or expecting someone to meet them anyway
- Withholding your true feelings for fear of a belief it will bring about an undesired outcome
- Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you
It’s not selfish to have boundaries, it’s essential to your wellbeing.
Ways to be in touch with your personal boundaries
Journal Prompts:
- What would it mean to have boundaries that support me?
- How can I start to feel comfortable + confident to share my boundaries with others?
- Do I feel safe and respected by everyone in my life?
- Do I prioritize other people’s needs before my own? Who and how can I shift that?
- Am I comfortable saying NO to others? When is saying NO more difficult for me?
- What would feel freeing to say NO to?
Affirmations:
- “I am assertive”
- “I am in touch with my needs”
- “It’s ok to have boundaries”
- “It’s ok to say NO”
- “My needs are just as important as others”
Transpersonal Energy Healing
This is one of the healing modalities I use to help my clients. combination of Body Mind Counseling and Hands on healing. Helps to uncover limiting beliefs, release stored emotions in the body and balance and relax the energy and nervous systems.
Bach Flower Therapy
Try the Bach Flower Remedy Centaury. This is another healing modality that I use to help my clients.
I offer 1:1 sessions, but the Bach Flower Remedies were created as a self help system so anyone can access and use them with ease.
Don’t know what Bach Flower Remedies are? Check out my 8 minute video: What are Bach Flower Remedies?
Meditation
Try My Guided Meditation, Boundaries.
3 Steps to Establish a Boundary
(by Jo Nash, Ph.D., via Positive Psychology)
- Be as clear and as straightforward as possible. Do not raise your voice.
- State your need or request directly in terms of what you’d like, rather than what you don’t want or like.
- Accept any discomfort that arises as a result, whether it’s guilt, shame, or remorse.
Your brain and body constantly give you signals about what feels comfortable and uncomfortable, it’s up to you to listen to these signals.
Check in with yourself. These signals help you determine when someone is violating your boundaries or when you need to establish a boundary. Clearly communicating your wants and needs is healthy and empowering.
Stand up for yourself and what you believe in!
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others” Brene Brown
